Book Group

I had book group last night. I always feel so blessed to have this group, I thought I'd post about it. When my son was born, I didn't do some of the usual Mommy stuff like the little specialized mommy/baby groups. Still coming off a highly professional mentality, growing up in the 60's-70's with ERA, Women's Lib, having had an artist, definitely not housewife-type mother... I just did not relate to the mentality, the image, the role, the submission, the mental deadness, the whole bit. I did all the Gymboree, child-oriented stuff, Eric was in every class the city of Palo Alto offered, but I had no real social context or support system for what was my actual job & role at that point.

By the time my daughter was born, I was getting pretty isolated and starting to repeat some of what I had witnessed growing up... a frustrated, angry mother, devoid of an emotional support network. I loved being able to see the rapid growth of my amazing children and really learning about selflessness in a way all the meditating and studying could never achieve. I felt fortunate to be able to focus on them. But where loss of ego teaches, reveals truth and intensely deepens connection, loss of identity wasn't all good...especially when you have an insecure husband as your primary reference point. This isn't some monastery. This is Palo Alto, baby!

When Bria turned one, and my parents did not even send her a birthday card, all sorts of realizations about my own childhood started flooding back and I had one of my major life epiphanies. I started to see my entire childhood for what it was. I went back and read all my diaries, from the time I was 14. At that point, I could no longer be in denial. I could not believe how I had been treated by my parents and realized that at some point I would have to speak up. I did so in a very gentle way, but, as soon as I poked, all the angry denials and venom came flying. To make a long story short, while attempting to reconcile, I was unwilling to completely recant my life experience, though I was willing, wanting, to forgive and move on. I eventually lost the relationship with my parents and sister, after giving it over a year to rise above being a horribly and completely toxic situation.

But, as I found out again with my more recent pruning, the divorce... when God closes a door, he opens a window. At the same time, I realized I did not have to repeat my parents introverted mode and I made the decision to create community around me. The year that followed saw me very involved in my church, my kids' schools and mostly, my fantastic Evergreen Park neighborhood. I threw about ten neighborhood parties in that next year, started a Mom's group at Peers Park, we rented the Field House and did art projects & music with the tots. I also started the book group. Well, starting that book group was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life and now, nine years later, I still reap the benefits every month.

Unlike some of the book groups I became aware of, which were closed and exclusive, the women in my group have been very open and have brought in a number of women over the years. The original core is still there and we have an extremely steady, robust group of 13. I think about how stultifying those closed off groups must be now, though I doubt they notice.

Although they're all great moms, this is not quite the demographic I find among the women at my church and kids' schools. Some of them have been in senior ranks of management at places like Intel and NASA. We have high-profile money managers for financial insights, a doctor for complete medical knowledge, engineers, writers, lawyers.

Last night, Carol, who is the President of the Packard Foundation (oddly enough, we also have the #2 in the Hewlett Foundation) told us about a trip she took to Ethiopia with her 13 year old daughter, Hana. The Foundation supports birth control all over the world. She talked about what they saw there... ten year old girls contracted out for marriage and genital mutilation and rape. I see such high awareness among these women and it stands in increasingly sharp contrast to these insular PTA-type housewives I know who just seem to be going more and more inside their own little world of empty gossip.

So, that's it... my friends, neighbors, homies... I feel so very blessed to have this amazing group. And, I must say, they are quite indulgent of me. I can't even remember the last time I read the actual book. I'm not interested in reading any more women as victim novels. I don't need to enter that world over and over. I much prefer my own. It's probably been a year since I've read fiction. Being such a supporter of the arts, I regret dissing authors, but, I don't have the patience for it now and don't count on this next generation for much interest.

I read the blogs and websites and downloadable non-fiction books and periodicals, usually several hours a day. There is too much info I want to keep abreast of for me to waste time reading about one downtrodden woman after the next. Yes, they all rise above the shitty lot left to women in their world and we can all see their cages far more easily than we can see our own.

Last night I threw out a bunch of stuff about the restrictions on our freedom from this excessive copyright law and they seemed to understand the issues quite readily, even though none of them had much familiarity with the it. It just shows how easily awareness can be raised. They quickly understood the value of society having a vibrant artistic sensibility. Other issues, like skipping commercials and fair use copying will be a bit more difficult as there is still an assumption that IP is like tangible property. Just wait till this summer... little do they know that when it's my turn to pick the book.... you got it... they'll be getting a big old load of Intervision.