Drop the Dreamkillers

I heard this great quote from Venus and Serena Williams the other day. So short and sweet and to the point, a great way of summing up a life philosophy I believe in and have heard in some shape from many successful people, particularly those who have risen to high levels in competitive areas.

Engagement in sports and the arts is a typical area of focus for kids. Almost all of the "enrichment" activities for kids, especially the popular ones, are in these two areas. Sports is a huge area of focus because there are so many scholarships for athletes. Another reason these two are popular is because they are FUN. People naturally like to participate, at all ages.

This is why these activities are so competitive, at every level. So many people would love to rise to the top and be able to make a living at these things. Take tennis, how many good players do you know, probably many. I'm sure the tenth seeded player in the world is pretty fucking good at playing tennis... can you name him/her? No, we're only interested in the five best, if that.

Let's take a look at some of the names that have risen to the top in these highly competitive areas. The Williams sisters, Tiger Woods, Michelle Kwan, Sarah Hughes, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Alicia Keys, Beyonce. All of these people not only have the fame but demonstrable skills. People who rise in management or acting can also make lots of money, but their skill set is far more subjective. The people I mentioned have clearly performed at the top of the endeavor. What do they all have in common?

They all distinguished themselves at young ages and they all had parents who completely supported them and believed in them. They also have natural talent. So did Tanya Harding, and look what happened to her. It's the parents that make all the difference, and you don't get to the top in certain areas, particularly youth oriented sports, without that. No matter how much natural talent you have, without support, without people who truly believe in you, you won't make it in an area that favors youth.

But, other areas favor more maturity. Many people from disadvantaged backgrounds do succeed in business, science the arts etc. How? They drop the dreamkillers. At some point they learn, somehow, to believe in themselves. Or, they find a mentor who believes in them and gives them opportunities. Sometimes the mentor appears because they've believed in themselves. In any case, they are willing to let those with the jealous, negative, sometimes subtly so, voices... go.

At the same time, as I think about the comments made by the Williams sisters, they seem somewhat flip. After all, these girls have always had each other, and supportive parents. What about people who have to drop parents or sisters or husbands or wives or best friends. It's often those closest to us that are the biggest dreamkillers, and sometimes they kill more than dreams. They kill your spirit, your confidence, your belief in yourself. Sometimes we are dependent on these people.

Theoretically, when we become adults, we go out there and make our American dream come true. In reality, the process of becoming an independent adult is far more complex and prolonged. For many, maybe most, it never really happens. They spend their whole lives just doing what they think others around them want them to do. Even when we do have economic independence there is often not true independence. But, part of that independence involves a willingness to sacrifice relationships with people when they do not support what we want for ourselves or when they refuse to see us the way we want to be seen.

The happiest, healthiest people I know are people who, throughout their lives, take a good hard look at those who surround them. Some of us are in dreamkiller jobs, or dreamkiller religions that expect them barefoot and pregnant (bye bye Pope) or other organizations. Most people don't even know what their dreams are. They complacently accept their surroundings like chameleons, making their little cog fit the wheel.

I respect individuals of vision and faith who lead themselves and others to a better place. That could be athletic prowess or anything else as long as it's coming from a genuine desire to learn and accomplish.