Just Be True

The true profession of man is to find his way to himself.
-Herman Hesse

I was hanging out and singing with a friend the other day, someone who I had performed with, who I hadn't seen for years. Les used to sing with the band Cold Sweat and now produces and writes his own music as Just Be True. He said a lot of profound things that really made me think. The way he has found to himself is through his music, which, needless to say, really resonated with me. Singers wear targets on their back, they need to struggle, it's part of being a singer, a performer, an artist.

But, before I get too into the musical journey, I want to talk about the quote above. It's from the classic book Siddhartha, very popular since the sixties, when the first generation of Caucasians discovered hallucinogens and we had massive boomer interest in exploring the meaning of life, happiness and fulfillment. The story of Siddhartha is basically the Westernized version of the story of Buddah.

Unlike Jesus, a poor man and fervent revolutionary, Buddah was a prince and focused less on social change and more on methods to find inner wealth, inner peace. The two men were quite different but it's necessary to understand both together in order to get the truest picture of life, society and the path to God. Until there is social justice, our individual paths to fulfillment will always fall short. Until we all face ourselves and work on our inner path, there will never be social justice. We all need to look within and we all need to speak out for the legions of materially poor people who can never really get a leg up because the small group of wealthy and powerful people exert so much effect.

So many of my posts, like the last one, focus on social issues. But this one is harder to write. It's so difficult to express the importance of facing yourself in truth and making change from within. It's something I've tried to do all my life, often not very successfully. I was married for sixteen years and I think it was especially difficult during those years because I was focused on my husband and kids. And I'm glad for that. Spending a lifetime contemplating your navel is not what life, love and learning are about. But, there needs to be balance and I'm experiencing far more balance now.

So, self awareness, looking within, growing, changing... all necessary goals and the paths to them are many. There's yoga, meditation, dance, prayer, reading, communes, churches, fellowship groups, alone time, retreats, contemplation, communing with nature... all of which I've tried. Then there's art and expressing oneself. Taking the inner stuff out to the world. Music, for me, so far has been primarily about outward expression. I expressed feelings about my marriage, housewife trip and current interests through my music, or at least my lyrics. I express my love of music through performance.

But Les helped me understand how music can be an integral part of the inner journey. One thing he did was help me identify fears that I hadn't really recognized. I think of myself as such a fearless person now, relative to my housewife days anyway, when I feared the social consequences of doing what I felt like doing. Yet, there's still fear: fear of losing bands, fear of not sounding good, fear of people thinking I don't sound good, fear of music. Yes, fear of music. I typically describe myself as an intuitive singer. I really feel these songs when I sing them and it sounds that way. But, I've been in situations where I've been asked to take it down a third or what key something is in, and there's fear around that because I'm not a musician and I don't have a thorough understanding of the structure and mechanics of music.

There's always so much more to learn and I'm afraid I'll never learn it, that I'll never be able to hold my own with musicians. I'm afraid that even if I could learn it, it would be a waste of time because it's too late for me to have any type of career in music. Like 99% of musicians out there, I'm afraid I'll never be able to make a living singing or playing music. I'm afraid, or perhaps a more appropriate word would be convinced, that I'll never master Logic, never be able to produce music the way Les can. Anyway, Les talked about not running from the fear but facing it and continuing to try. I tend to do just what I really enjoy from the heart and know well, which is the singing, and run from the more technical aspects of making music, even though I know it will help me and give me more confidence and control.

Les also talked to me about looking within. As with many performers, there's a lot of ego involved, the desire for applause, approval and maybe even adulation. This causes me to look outward, to others, and I've typically put too much stock in the opinions of others. Les helped me to hear myself and have confidence in what I hear.

So, thanks Les, for sharing your journey with me and for encouraging me to face my fears and not run from them. Thanks for inspiring me to understand more of what music can be for me and do for me and to listen to my inner voice, not just the vocals. I hope to pass some of what I've learned to my readers. Your fears are probably very different from mine, but, you have them, and you will continue to have them until you address them. They will hold you back from your happiness until you look at them and decide to follow your true voice and desires despite them.