Settling

I guess we all settle. While, on a certain level, we all create our own realities, we each, unless we're psychotic, operate in a "real world" which, for most of us, does not seem to be a warm, nurturing, loving environment, but a challenging place where we need to make our own way. We're all taught to be responsible, to make things happen, to not expect something for nothing.

From an early age we learn to compromise. We learn not to expect all we can dream of or hope for. Those would be "unrealistic expectations". Life is more manageable if we keep our dreams and expectations in check. We dare not dream for Candide's "best of all possible worlds". That's a pipe dream. That's Hollywood, baby... don't ever get caught up in dreams of fame, glory. wealth or you'll end up like Anna Nicole Smith or Marilyn Monroe. And don't get caught up in dreams of success through artistic integrity or you'll end up like Kurt Cobain. You'll be disillusioned, crushed, it's a one in a million shot. The best you can hope for is to "make it" and live a life being chased by paparazzi.

So, most of us take it down a notch at some point. We lose our imagination, our creativity, our dream of making a fortune doing what we love to do and find a respectable profession, or at least a decent , paying job. Maybe we hang onto our calling as late as college, only to end up in some dehumanizing corporate slot. Within a few years, it's no longer a dehumanizing corporate slot, it's your life, your career, your world... for many people around here, it's everything. By the time most people are in it, it's not considered settling, it's considered more like success. They have a sense of their role in the world of commerce or technological progress, they are surrounded by others with the same lives, and that is enough.

OK, so maybe we can't all be Christina Aguilera or Tiger Woods... only a lucky few can achieve so much fame and fortune following their calling. But how about even the more modest dreams, the American Dream, the white picket fence, Bobby and Susie, a Chevrolet convertible and, of course, the perfect, sexy, adoring spouse. No one buys into this dream either. Almost every news story you see these days has the same premise; this famous person or that has as many problems as you do. The lovely Brad and Jennifer are torn apart, the wealthy and powerful Donald and Rosie are so insecure they have to quibble in public... on and on it goes, in entertainment, politics, business... even the church has had its maggots exposed.

So we settle for loveless lives, free of illusion, free of passion, free of hope. We comfort ourselves by thinking that even the most famous and privileged among us has similar problems and challenges. But, do they? In a way, yes, no one makes it through life on all green lights. We're all human, all imperfect. But, in a way, no. There are people who face life with less fear, who welcome change and growth and challenge, who spend time looking within and creating and dreaming, who approach life with depth and passion, who risk themselves emotionally, who express themselves openly, honestly and creatively, who think for themselves, who question the status quo, who speak out, who don't surround themselves with yes-men and others just like themselves. These are the people I respect and who inspire me. These are the ones who don't settle for the loveless marriage, the bad relationships, the shallow, meaningless relationships, the contacts. These are the ones looking for something more real in their own lives and in their relationships with others. So, with Valentine's Day approaching, have a heart. Don't settle. There is so much happiness and love and available for you if you open yourself up to it and dare to let it in. Don't miss out, ask for what you want.