For the first six months of this blog, I posted every day. During the past couple of months that has tapered off and will taper off still. As with the paintings, songs and film, there were things I wanted to express. I expressed. And, I will continue to express. I've talked about current events and technologies and how they relate to the arts and culture. I've observed what's going on around me and stated my impressions and, of course, intervisions.
I always knew there would be a phase of accumulating "content" (oh yes, I'm a content owner) as I made the latest transition in my free spirit-turned-lawyer-turned-mom-turned-radical rockstar/artist/writer/agitator life. Remember the movie Baby Boom? Diane Keaton... a.k.a the career wonk Tiger Lady morphs into mommy when young baby show up. It's a huge culture shock, but in her spare time she harvests the apples off her new orchard. At one point, she opens the cupboard to reveal hundreds of jars of applesauce she processed while "wasting time" at home with baby. She uses that capital to start a great business.
So, my cupboard is now filling and I'm gearing up for the transition to start turning the IP into a more cohesive business project. It's hard to know where your target market is until you've got a firm grasp on what it is you want to market and that's what's been developing.
I loved making my film. The work environment is great when you are directing your own film. The people are fascinating and it's a fabulous blend of the creative and business ethics. But, unless you are willing to work on very small projects, slowly working your way up, film by film, it's very hard to really get your own vision out there because film is so collaborative. Most talented would-be filmmakers script in silence for years while earning money in very limited areas within editing or CGI. I'm continuing to edit the film with the hopes of entering it in the festival circuit and/or using it as a calling card with which to get financing for a bigger project, which could be a better version of the original concept or something else. I have no shortage of ideas.
Music, I will always love. Singing in bands, performing music for people... nothing makes me happier. Listening to my voice literally develop over these past four years has been an incredible experience. I've been singing blues lately at Murphy's Law and I love the expressiveness. But, let's face it, unfortunately it's never gonna be a real livelihood. I've loved writing original music and having some of it produced. I'm continuing that process with my band. Some of it is up on Soundclick under the band name Rockit. But, again, realistically, I think music will continue to be a much-loved hobby.
What do I really want to do? Should I capitalize on some of my current experience and start charging folks $325./hr. to be their divorce lawyer? Should I continue to out my thoughts and impressions in the form of DVD reviews for the next 20 years? I know what I really want to do. I did it when I was 17, writing for the Massapequa Post imploring my fellow jocks to be a bit more accepting, and for most of my life thereafter, in one form or another.
Even when I was in ad sales at Personal Computing, I remember my publisher commenting that I was "too transcendental". Just sell the space, we're not here to change the world by putting personal computers in front of everyone. Well, his book eventually went out of business but "my plan" worked. How many people do you know without computers? Even my nine year old has had a laptop for years, and she even programs.
I want to challenge and encourage people to look more carefully at their lives, their true goals and needs, and to go out and fulfill themselves, to be authentic. I want to inspire others to get in touch with God and their creativity. I want to see people happy, not just busy. I want to see people centered, cohesive, integrated... together, not scattered and frenetic... a jumble of thoughts, feelings and impressions with no intervision connectors.
I see folks wake up, go do 100 things they think they're supposed to do and then go to bed. I see tremendous disconnect in people all around me. They don't want to talk about their sexuality. They don't want to think about their sexuality. They're not creative. They don't have original thoughts. Most seem to consider thinking a waste of time, since there's no result, no fodder to impress (read: bore) your friends with. They don't seem to even notice or care about the lack of these things in their lives.
If you listen, you'll hear lots and lots about what they do and what they have. Take a listen. People will talk to you and talk to you about everything they do, at least the socially valuable things. You can hear all about their great jobs, friends, vacations, houses. That's what they want you to know about them. That's how they measure themselves. How much do you hear about what they think or what they feel? People are separated from themselves, focused on a demanding world around them instead of their inner voices. If they're not telling you what they did, they're telling you what someone else did (or has). Listen.
This makes me so sad. I'm sure they do it out of love. They are taught to serve others and well we should. That is a high purpose and part of life. But, if it's not emanating from a centered soul, it's really not the message you want to be giving your kids. All it does is demonstrate to them an empty cut-off way of being. We all need to feel loved and validated for who we really are. We all need passionate sex and love. We all need to be in touch with our creator and be able to express that out into the world. We need to speak out about the injustices in the world.
We live our values and our children see that and absorb it. I hope my kids will continue to be the thoughtful, caring, creative and sensitive people they are today. It has taken much dedication to keep their creativity alive, it's an uphill battle these days, all days. I struggled with it in my own childhood, though at least in New York, art is highly valued. My focus is on the children themselves. I look at their interests, personalities and goals.
I see other parents who seem far more oriented toward making their kids popular or successful, maybe to vindicate their own failures or show what great parents they are. The kids are heavily focused on, that's for sure, but, I feel sorry for those kids. In fact, some of the more overbearing parents I have met, the ones who would covertly, or even blatantly, brag about their homemaking or income producing talents, seem to have the more troubled kids. The poor kids probably intrinsically rebel because they intuitively know their role is to make the mother (or father) look good. The don't really feel validated for themselves, they're pawns and they know it. The kids always know it all, and all they really need is truth and love.
So, time to stop disguising my message in the form of very interesting film reviews. It's time to organize the message and get a series of free-lance articles and/or a book (complete with artwork) together. If I have to come home from parties and book groups feeling sadly frustrated that I couldn't get people to open up and look at even the slightest intervision connections in their lives, at least I can reach out to people who can be open to the message in a less direct, threatening format.
I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste
was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware
of what they're going through
David Bowie
Musician
Artist
Innovator
Music Sharer
Freedom Lover
